Tag Archives: Florida

The 7 Most Frequently Asked Wizarding World Questions, And Their Answers, Respectively.

7 May

1.) What is the line outside of Olivander’s for?

Answer: The line outside of Olivander’s wand shop is for the Olivander’s Wand Experience. It’s a constant live demonstration, showing how a wand can choose a wizard. 20 to 30 people get pulled into the room, and one person of those is chosen to experience what it’s like to have their first wand choose them. It’s a very special room, being the only Ministry-approved room where real magic is allowed to happen in all of Hogsmeade!

Answer I’d Like To Give: The line outside of Olivander’s is for Ihop. Wizards love pancakes.

2.) Where is the castle?

Answer:  (Points to Hogwarts.) That is the castle.

Answer I’d Like To Give: The castle is actually lost right now. Oh, yes. A very unfortunate accident involving a very large shipment of invisibility cloaks. Ministry personnel are currently on the search. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Can I offer you a key chain?

3.) Where is the closest bathroom?

Answer: Right down the path to your right, under the hanging cauldron.

Answer I’d Like To Give: (Points to trees.)

4.) Where is the exit for the Dragon Challenge Roller Coaster?

Answer: The exit is directly up this path. There, you will find a shaded seating area where you can wait for your party.

Answer I’d Like To Give: There is no exit. That is why it’s called the Dragon CHALLENGE. You didn’t want to see your family again anyway, did you?

5.) Do you guys have anything Dobby-related, other than this pin?

Answer: Unfortunately not, I’m so sorry! Everyone always asks that. Dobby’s one of my favorites, too! It’s so sad that we don’t have more merchandise featuring him.

Answer I’d Like To Give: I have an iron at my house, which is an item that I believe Dobby once used to punish himself for disobeying his masters. I don’t use it to punish myself. Much… Just when my boyfriend comes over. (Rubs backside.) Also, I’m wearing socks. Can I help you find anything else?

5.) Where are the Ravenclaw Journals?

Answer: We actually don’t make Ravenclaw journals, which is very silly, considering Ravenclaws are the most studious of the houses! I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.

Answer I’d Like To Give: The Ravenclaw journals are with the Dobby For President T-Shirts, right next to the stuffed animal Dobby’s, and the Dobby Sock Freedom Four Pack. That’s all actually located under the statue of Dobby, inside of the Tribute To Dobby Museum of Dobby.

6.) How much are the wands?

Answer: Wands are 31.92. After Ministry tax, that amounts to an even 34.00 dollars.

Answer I’d Like To Give: The wands are free to anyone who can perform a Patronus Charm. Any charm, for that matter. Do it. I dare you.

7.) (Points up) …Harry Potter?

Answer: I’m sorry? I’m not quite sure what you’re asking.

Answer I’d Like To Give: You know what? No. Just, no. Not today, not now, not ever. People like you make me want to dress up like an owl and hang myself from the rafters of the Owl Post. I don’t even know what you’re asking. I just… I really… Just… GTFO.

You had ONE JOB, Cart Wrangler!

15 Oct

20121015-231231.jpg

Day 35 of the 90 in 90 blog challenge.

Right now I’m really too tired to explain this picture…. Buuuut basically, this is what I found after walking out of the most highly populated Walmart in the western world.

The problem? I mean other than the fact that my car was completely blocked in by a conga line of carts, EVERYONE was a tourist. Everyone wanted food for their entire week’s stay in their Florida condo. Everyone was tired, and sweaty, and cranky, and beat. Nobody wanted to be in the Walmart, at all… including my mother and me. And so of COURSE we got behind the guy who forgot his wallet in the car, and of COURSE the woman at the register had no idea how to handle the situation, and of COURSE we had to wait fifteen minutes for her supervisor to come over and say “Why yes, it IS okay for you to leave your cart here while you go retrieve your wallet!” So we finally pay and start to walk out, (keep in mind my feet are KILLING me from running errands and walking on hard floors all day) and we almost get run over by a speedy couple and their practically steaming cart. My arm almost pulled a “Soccer Mom Arm” and whipped out to protect my own unsuspecting mother from danger…  Then we pass a woman standing just outside the doors DEVOURING what looked to be a sensible package of portable orange chicken… (My question is… where did that come from? It looked like a microwave dinner, so… How did she microwave it? Why is she standing just outside the door?) And THEN… we can’t find our car. AND SO!!! We finally find… What that picture shows above.

It’s like… The cart guy just… stopped. He stopped everything. Stopped pushing, stopped working… stopped caring, really. Almost as if he looked at his watch, realized it had just turned 11 pm, and he threw his hands up and just walked off. “Screw these carts. I’m going home. “

And you know what? After spending just thirty minutes in the Walmart filled with spastic tourists, I can understand him abandoning his duties as a cart wrangler. And even though I was kind of mad about it, I can sort of respect him for his complete disregard for my inconvenience, too. It takes a bold man to just leave an entire ARMY of carts behind someone’s car. I actually hope he’s crackin’ open a ice cold Bud Light where ever he is. Because today? He’s a “Real American Hero” if I’ve ever (not) seen one.