Would You Rather… ?

1 Mar

Sometimes when I’m bored at work, I like to make up terrifying, disturbing, and/or thoughtful hypothetical scenarios in my mind and ponder which I would rather experience. These are some of the most recent:

Would you rather be life-affectingly afraid of electrical appliances, or be allergic to paper?

Would you rather have hair as long as your arms, or arms as long as your hair?

Would you rather live in today’s time with dinosaurs and no memory of your current life, or live in the dinosaur’s time with today’s memories? (Yeah… I know.)

Would you rather drench yourself in Manwhich meat sauce and battle a pack of ravenous police dogs naked in the middle of times square, or live three months with a baby arm?

Would you rather eat with your feet for the rest of your life, or walk on your hands for the rest of your life?

Would you rather be a muggle in a world where real wizards exist, or live in a magic-free world where Harry Potter was never written? (This literally keeps me up at night.)

Would you rather lose your sense of smell and work at a flower shop, or lose your sense of touch and work at a place with a lot of bubble wrap?

Would you rather be a pirate, or date a pirate?

Would you rather become rich and famous because of something you never actually did, or do something absolutely amazing and have no one ever know about it?

Would you rather have to wear socks forever, or cry tears of pepperoni?

Would you rather run a marathon in a gorilla suit, or be sexually attracted to scissors?

Would you rather be able to see in complete darkness, or breathe underwater?

Would you rather receive a text message every single time someone in this world thinks about you, or never receive text messages from the ones you love ever again?

Would you rather go on a three year tour with Dora the Explorer LIVE! and get your equity card, or be an interactive piece of scenery on Broadway for literally no pay?

Would you rather meet the love of your life and never be able to have children, or marry someone who isn’t completely perfect for you and have kids with them?

Would you rather have your favorite celebrity/mentor/ idol treat you terribly in real life, resulting in you realizing that every good thing you ever thought about them was a lie, or get a paper cut between your toes every day until next Tuesday?

Would you rather be blindfolded while race car driving, or fly an airplane without any prior experience?

Would you rather go on a date with Andrew Garfield, or be force-fed 37 pancakes by Tina Fey? (I KNOW…)

Would you rather have Taylor Swift stuck in your head for six hours, or not eat for twelve hours? (I. KNOOOWWW!!!!)

Feel free to answer any of these questions below.





2 Responses to “Would You Rather… ?”

  1. Jeyna Grace March 1, 2013 at 9:40 pm #

    LOL! Those questions can really keep a bored person entertained! I should try them. Haha!

  2. Ben Doane March 2, 2013 at 10:17 am #

    Responses to these questions (In order of appearance):

    1. Paper.
    – In this day and age, everything is moving towards technology. And as expensive as it may be, I’d just use vellum for everything.

    2. Hair as long as my arms.
    – I can style my hair. I can’t style a look for a man with 3 inch arms.

    3. Tough one.
    – Being with dinosaurs today would be awesome…but forgetting this life would suck. And being in the past would suck from a technological point, but would be awesome from view that I could leave clues for the future and more or less become a greater known Da Vinci. …I’ll go with the past with memory.

    4. Dog-Manwich-Naked Fight
    – I’m assuming I would have all appendages healed to full recovery after. ( I mean, you suggested having a baby arm magically…)

    5. Walk on my hands.
    – It would give me a new perspective on life (literally) and a new appreciation for things at lower levels (viewpoints of children and dwarves for instance.) There’s also the joy of still being able to be civil at a table.

    6. Muggle. Every time.
    – Yea, yea…I can’t do magic. But my knowledge of it existing (I’m assuming in this scenario) is enough for me. Maybe I’d be a squib in a small magic town. Or work for the ministry as a muggle artifacts expert.

    7. Lose my sense of smell in the flower shop.
    – Sure, I’d not be able to accurately describe the smells to customers. But I’m a pretty dam good actor (and when I need to be, a liar) and I’m not giving up the joy of bubble wrap! …or any other things that may involve my sense of touch. (Ooo la la)

    8. Be a pirate
    – Biased because I’m a guy, sure. I don’t think too many guys want to date a pirate girl, as they are typically described as just as course as the pirate men…ew. But regardless of gender roles here, I’d prefer to handle the dangers myself and trust my own thinking rather than invest my emotions somewhere I feel I have little control over their safety and well being. ( Fun Fact! – Citrus fruits, a good source of vitamin C, prevent scurvy!)

    9. Rich and Famous.
    – Sure, I never did it. But in my memoir that’s being written when I’m 90, I’ll refer to all the amazing things I was able to accomplish, all the travels I went on, and all the lives I impacted as a result of my fame and fortune. When I pass away, I’ll be remembered for the good I did, as a result of that big huge lie. To me, I’d be accepting of it. Was it a lie? Yes. Did I turn it into something to benefit others and make the world a better place? Yes.

    10. Pepperoni.
    – Socks are only OK when worn with shoes. Let’s be clear on that. But the pepperoni thing weirds me out just as much. Are we talking pepperoni flavored tears, or ACTUAL little pieces of pepperoni? Because flavored tears is the easy winner. …Although I suppose I could deal with the consolation of food every time I’m seriously sad. And simply crying over a naked cheese pizza poses the solution itself! And how often do I cry? -Not that often.

    11. Gorilla suit.
    – One time sweat fest over an obsession that could end horribly.

    12. Both. …but since I can’t answer that, I’ll go with breathe underwater.
    – A majority of the earth is underwater. And my mind races with all the cool stuff that power would allow me to do. Undersea exploration at its best. (I’m assuming it comes with an ability to withstand the immense undersea pressure.)

    13. Never from the ones I love
    – That’s why we have phone calls. (Goodness I sound like an old man when I say that.) But really, if I love you, chances are, you feel some sort of mutual love for me. And a phone call wouldn’t kill you. What would kill ME is the annoyance of getting a text every time anyone anywhere had a passing thought about me. I’m not saying I’m Mr. Popularity here, but I’m sure it would get old, fast.

    14. Broadway
    – I’m poor in college. I can be poor in the real world for a bit. And the ability to put down on a resume that I was on Broadway would be way too good to pass. I’d chat it up during rehearsals and make connections and network my ass off. I wouldn’t be poor for long, trust in that. BONUS – I’d keep my dignity. Dora live? Fuck that. (DorA the ExplorER, kids…*sheesh*…)

    15. Meet the perfect person, and have no kids.
    – I’ve only recently come to this train of thought. But the person you should be with should always be the person who meets the requirements for you, not the person who meets your ‘requirements on life’. The person you’re with will be your source of happiness or lack thereof for the rest of your life. Do you want that person to make you happy most of the time and piss you off sometimes or make you happy all of the time?Personally, I want kids…but if I honestly met the person of my dreams, and we found we couldn’t have children…I’d be OK with it. She’s the person of my dreams. She knows we can lead a perfectly happy and fulfilling life, and we can still have an impact on youth, if that’s what we want. There’s always adoption, as well. (as much as I’d prefer my own flesh and blood. …and I’m assuming this scenario still allows adoption.)

    16. The truth about my celeb/mentor/idol
    – The truth hurts. (As do paper cuts) But, as harsh as it may be, I’d still want the truth. I would be upset for a bit, but soon the realization of things would set in, and I’d learn from it, and be a better person. Whatever mantra I lived my life by as a result of their words, I would realize are no less true, but they should not be attributed to that asshat of a person.

    17. Airplane.
    – I’m a quick learner. Let’s have some fun!

    18. Andrew.
    – I’m a straight guy, but I’d still choose Andrew. It’d be a great story, we’d exchange information and be acquaintances after. All the girls would want to hear all about it. Apart from not being interested romantically, I’m not seeing a downside. Tina, on the other hand, I can see getting pretty forceful after 9 pancakes and I start to slow down…

    19. Not eat for twelve hours.
    – I can stick it out. Mental fortitude. Mind over matter. …and a general dislike of all things T-Swift. The only way I’d be OK with the six hours is if it were this version – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHJONV6qCkg

    …Come now Carolyn. You can do better than this…Where are the really GOOD ones to stump people?

    But this WAS really fun to read and think about.

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