The Metaphorical Me’s

23 Jul

Do you guys remember the old Spongebob episode where Spongebob is forced to remember his name under high pressure? I don’t remember what the exact situation was, but I do remember a bunch of tiny little Spongebobs running around like crazy trying to find the correct “file” inside of Spongebob’s head.

DJ and I have a running joke that the “Little Carolyn’s” or “Little DJ’s” in our brains sometimes freak out. This morning, the Little Metaphorical Carolyn’s were doing a bit more than freaking out.

Carolyn’s Sunday Morning. Take One.

Scene One:
(Lights up on Carolyn sleeping peacefully. Cue “Morning” by De Grieg… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH1JMdWpJ54)
Enter DJ.
DJ: Caaaarolyn?
Me: Mmm?
DJ: Caaaaaaaaaarolyn?
Me: Mmmm!
DJ: We woke up late.
Me: …. Mmm?
DJ: We slept through the alarm.
Me: Really?
DJ: Yeah. We should have left…. ten minutes ago. I sing God Bless America today and open the park.
Me: What time is it?
DJ: 8:09.

 

Meanwhile…

Scene Two, The Metaphorical Me’s.

Carolyn One: (Suddenly exploding out of her cubicle chair) WE SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE HOUSE TEN MINUTES AGO!!!
Carolyn Two: (No facial movement, simply audible response)…Mmm?
Carolyn Three: (Flying from cubicle to cubicle, searching for the things) Where is everything? Where are we? What time is it?
Carolyn One: (Jumping from Carolyn to Carolyn) HURRY HURRY GET UP GET UP HOLY COW WE ARE GOING TO BE SO LATE!!!
Carolyn Two: … But I’m-
Carolyn Three: OKAY I’M AWAKE! Where are the keys? Where is the ID? Where is the car? Where is the Dallas?!?!?!?!
Carolyn One: (Seems to be yelling to the cosmos) GET UP GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF BED WE ARE GOING TO JEOPARDIZE EVERYONE’S MORNINGS ALL BECAUSE YOU CAN’T GET OUT OF BED ON TIME!!!!
Carolyn Two: But… this isn’t our fault…
Carolyn Four: (Exploding from a previously unseen cubicle) The LUNCH! The LUNCH! WE NEED A LUNCH!
Carolyn One: NO TIME FOR A LUNCH! NO TIME TO PACK! GET MAKE-UP IN BAG AND GET IN THE CAR NOWWW!!!!

Scene Three: The Car Ride

(Lights up on the car. Carolyn is driving. Dallas is in the passenger seat, gazing out of the window. DJ is in the backseat and can only be seen through the rear view mirror. He is wearing dark sunglasses, and his face is completely deadpan. The sun is so bright that it actually makes everyone feel slightly uncomfortable and overly exposed. It is SO bright, in fact, it should actually cause pain to the eyes and brow.)
Carolyn: (Squinting) Uhhhh….
Dallas: This is actually awful.
Carolyn: I’m sorry, I have to have music so I don’t go back to sleep. I was literally in bed three minutes ago.
Dallas: Okay by me.
DJ:

(Carolyn turns on the radio. A moment of peaceful silence. Then-)

Rhianna: WANT YOU TO MAKE! ME! FEEL! LIKE I’M THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WOOORRRLLLD!
Carolyn: Oh shit-
Rhianna: LIKE I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT YOU’LL EVER LOOOOOOOVE! LIKE I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOOOWS YOUR HEAAAAAAHHHAAAHHHAAAHAHAAARRTTT! ONLY GIRL IN THE WOOORRRLLD!!!!
Carolyn: Sorry, DJ! I know that must be loud for you back there! You okay?
DJ:
Carolyn: Deege?
DJ:
(Carolyn and Dallas both look into the rear view mirror at the same time. All that can be seen is DJ’s slightly lolling head, his dark glasses, and his less-than-amused expression.)
Carolyn: Is he even awake?
Dallas: Who knows.
Carolyn: We like… literally just sat down in the car.
DJ:
Rhianna: HOW TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIIIIKE A MAAAAAAAAAAN! ONLY GIRL IN THE WOOORRLLDDDD!!!!

 I actually don’t think you guys understand. I WAS actually sleeping today during the first show. My eyes were just open, and my mouth was just moving, and my body was just doing the choreography. But I was actually enjoying a peaceful nap. I was honestly having a dream about being anywhere other than King’s Island… I think I may have been sipping on a sangria somewhere in southern Greece… Or maybe I was just curled up in a snuggie eating Mac N Cheese out of the pot while watching Anastasia… And then I woke up and I was singing a solo. And I realized that my life is not only a nightmare… it’s a funny nightmare. One of those reoccurring ones that just keeps playing over and over and over and over and over and OVER again and you close your eyes and it just starts replaying!!! Like… Like Satan has your hand or something, in the back seat of your parent’s minivan during a vacation road trip and he’s all like, “Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!” while a chorus of demonic English school boys sing a blazing rendition of “This Is The Song That Never Ends.” And you wake up screaming…Only THIS time, you wake up singing. And dancing. And acting all tickle-me-elmo giggle giblet bubble britches happy mcjoyfulson over here.

I can’t wait to wake up in seven hours and go back to work. I enjoyed this morning so much, I think I’ll just not set my alarm. Ever. See if we can give those little Metephorical Me’s a run for their money.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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