A Short Business Letter To Harry Potter

2 Sep

I am currently taking a “theatre computers” class in which we learn how to start our own websites, perfect our resumes, and make business cards for ourselves. Today, our lesson was “business letters.” We were given the correct formatting, and were urged to write a fictional business letter in both the military and block formats. This was the result:

Department of Theatre and Dance
Ball State University
Muncie, IN 47306
Sept 2, 2011

Harry Potter
Department of Magical Law Enforcement (Auror Office)
Ministry of Magic
Underground London
London, England

Dear Mr. Potter,

Let me first start this short correspondence by voicing how much I admire and idolize your accomplishments thus far, and your much-awaited victory against the dark lord. (I do not capitalize his name, because it is not that important…anymore. Because he’s dead.) I must also voice my own awareness that I, myself, am a muggle, and should there by have little say about the magical world. After all, what do I know about defeating dark wizards before the age of 20, right?

It has, however, come to my attention that an evil force is within our muggle midst here at Ball State University. Perhaps your office has already been informed of this questionable person, and is already monitoring their actions, behaviors, and decisions. However, I must urge your office to investigate further into this urgent matter. We, the muggle students of Ball State University, must no longer be oppressed by one of your magical kind.

Allow me to explain: I suspect that Jo Ann Gora, the president of Ball State University, is not only a witch, but also a former Death Eater. There are many instances of her oppression against her muggle students, but perhaps the most evident and strikingly cruel instance happened last year, during the infamous Snowpocalypse. A wicked and dangerous snowstorm hit Muncie, IN (which was no doubt conjured by Ms. Gora herself!) one in which 5 feet of snow and ice covered our beloved streets. While other colleges urged their students to stay inside where they would be safe, Ms. Gora instead reigned over our muggle student body with an iron fist and a cold, cruel smile. She forced us to face the elements of her deadly storm, under the false disguise of  “giving the students every opportunity to take advantage of the classes that they, themselves, pay for.”

As you can see, Mr. Potter, Ms. Gora must be stopped. Her cruel actions and oppression against muggle college students is not only unacceptable; it is downright appalling. I urge you to investigate this matter. But please take heed, Mr. Potter! I fear her dark powers are becoming stronger during these hot months, and she is only waiting for another moment to attack. I advise you to send your best-trained Aurors, including yourself, of course, and perhaps Mr. Kingsly Shacklebolt.

Accio Justice!

Carolyn Barry
Department of Theatre and Dance
Musical Theatre Option


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